Infidelity Therapy
Christian Help for Sexual Issues
Compassionate, Non-judgmental
Infidelity Can Be Devastating.
The Marriage Can Be Restored, Better Than Ever.
Explore My Detailed Program To Unlock The Key To Making Sure It Never Happens against and Reclaim Intimacy.
If you’re here, your world probably just came crashing down on you. I’m so sorry.
Whether you are the one who cheated or the one cheated on, I would love to meet with either and preferably both of you to help fix the marriage. I have helped many couples heal from infidelity—with marriages that, over time, became stronger, closer, and more honest than they were even before the affair.
Infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of your relationship. With the right help, it can be a turning point toward a new beginning.
As a Christian psychologist, I combine Biblical wisdom with the evidence-based tools of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I believe that truth, grace, and accountability go hand in hand. I am especially direct with those who have had the affair—not to shame or judge them, but to help them understand the deeper why behind their actions. Affairs don’t “just happen.” Together, we’ll explore the thoughts, patterns, and emotional vulnerabilities that led to the betrayal, and we’ll identify the gaps—spiritual, emotional, and relational—that must be closed for lasting change.
I work with many women, but I’m also experienced in helping men—especially those who’ve never been to therapy—feel safe, respected, and understood. If you’re a man reading this and feeling defensive, ashamed, or unsure of what to expect, please know: I will challenge you, but I will never humiliate or belittle you. You are not beyond redemption.
For the betrayed spouse, I want you to hear this clearly: my top priority is helping you feel safe again. I will do everything I can to make sure you are not hurt like this again. Healing takes time, and trust is rebuilt, not demanded. You are not weak for staying—you are courageous for being willing to face this head-on.
Sometimes, the affair stems from longstanding issues in the marriage. Sometimes, the person who didn’t cheat was unknowingly contributing to a painful dynamic. That never excuses the betrayal—ever—but understanding the full picture is critical if you want real change.
I work with individuals and couples in various combinations—whatever fits your situation best. I address common roots like low self-esteem, emotional neglect, unmet needs, and communication breakdowns. Together, we’ll not only heal the wounds but build the kind of marriage that makes future betrayal unthinkable.
I don’t believe the lie, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” Most people, once truly confronted with the damage done, never cheat again. But trust isn’t automatic—it’s earned. Let’s start that work today.
Ready to begin healing?
Schedule your appointment today at drmontemiller.com, and let’s take the first step toward restoration.
Infidelity Counseling – FAQ
Do you work with just the person who cheated or just the one who was cheated on?
Yes, I work with either person individually, but ideally with both. Healing is possible whether we start with one spouse or both, but long-term change happens most effectively when we address the full story—together and separately.
Do you take sides in the therapy process?
No—but I do hold both spouses accountable. I will be direct with the person who had the affair, helping them take full ownership without shame. And I will advocate for the betrayed spouse, helping them feel secure, validated, and protected as we move forward.
Can a marriage really recover after cheating?
Yes. I’ve seen many couples not only survive but build marriages that are stronger, more honest, and more connected than before the affair. It takes hard work, courage, and commitment—but recovery is absolutely possible.
How do you bring Christian values into counseling?
I use Biblical truth as a foundation: grace, repentance, forgiveness, accountability, and redemption. I combine that with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help clients understand their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors so they can make lasting changes.
Will I be judged or shamed if I’m the one who cheated?
No. I will be honest and direct with you—but never shaming. My job is to help you understand the underlying beliefs, emotions, and unmet needs that led to the affair so that we can close the gaps and protect your marriage moving forward.
My spouse has never been to therapy and is hesitant to come—especially as a man. Can you help with that?
Absolutely. I’ve worked with many men who were new to therapy and unsure about it. I create a safe, respectful space where men can open up, learn to express themselves, and be challenged without feeling attacked or belittled.
Is it ever the betrayed spouse’s fault the affair happened?
No—the decision to cheat is always a personal responsibility. However, sometimes there are deep issues in the marriage that contributed to emotional distance or dissatisfaction. We address those honestly, without ever excusing the betrayal.
How long does infidelity recovery take?
It varies. Some couples make significant progress in a few months; others take longer. My goal is to help you heal fully—not rush the process. We'll go at a pace that balances urgency with emotional safety.
What if I don’t think I can ever trust my spouse again?
That’s a very normal feeling. Trust is not rebuilt with words—it’s rebuilt with consistent, trustworthy behavior over time. Part of my job is helping your spouse demonstrate that change, and helping you learn how to trust wisely and safely again.
You Need Grace, Not Judgment
If you’ve made sexual mistakes—especially those that have deeply hurt your spouse—you might be expecting judgment. But that’s not what you’ll find here.
We’ve all sinned. We all fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). I don’t sit in the seat of judgment. I’ve had my own failures and struggles, and I’m still a work in progress, just like you. But by God’s grace, I’ve found healing—and I believe you can too. You are still deeply loved by God, no matter what you’ve done.
If you’re here because you've betrayed someone’s trust, I’m here to walk with you toward healing and restoration—not to shame you for what’s behind you. I won't label you, condemn you, or call you names. I do believe in the power of healthy guilt—not to crush you, but to push you toward real, lasting change. Shame paralyzes, but conviction can motivate. I want to help you live with humility, not hopelessness.
I care about your happiness, but not just the fleeting kind. I care about the kind of deep, soul-level joy that comes from living with integrity, connection, and peace with God and others. My role isn’t to scold or lecture, but to help you see clearly: what’s working, what’s broken, and what needs rebuilding.
The road to healing often starts with one of the most powerful experiences a person can have: being fully known and still fully accepted—even the parts you’ve kept hidden. There is no shame in facing your sexual struggles honestly. In fact, not facing them gives them power over you. But when we bring them into the light—with the help of someone trained, experienced, and grounded in both Biblical truth and psychological science—they begin to lose their grip.
As a Christian psychologist with years of experience helping clients navigate infidelity and sexual issues, I create a safe space for you to explore your desires, your wounds, your history, and your self-worth. We’ll work together to uncover the thoughts and patterns that have fueled the behaviors you now regret.
Think of us as co-investigators, digging beneath the surface to understand what’s really going on inside you. You are the expert on your experience—but sometimes, it takes someone outside the chaos to help you see the patterns clearly. That’s where I come in.
I use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)—a practical, research-backed approach that helps us connect thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. I’ve studied CBT and human relationships since I was a teenager, and it remains one of the most effective ways to bring lasting clarity and change.
No matter where you’re starting from, I’m here to help you find the way forward.
You Need a Sex Therapist Who’s Professionally Trained—and Personally Grounded
When it comes to healing from infidelity, you don’t just need someone with credentials. You need someone who understands the deeper, often hidden, dynamics of sex, shame, temptation, and restoration—from both a clinical and personal perspective.
I bring both to the table.
I’ve been studying relationships, human behavior, and sexuality since I was a teenager—yes, I was that kid reading psychology books at 15. Since then, I’ve earned my Bachelor’s, Master’s, and Doctorate degrees in Clinical Psychology, with a focus on sexual issues, couples work, and spiritual integration. But I also pride myself on being approachable, honest, and real—not just a “professional voice,” but a human one.
What sets me apart, though, is more than academic training. It’s the personal journey I’ve walked. Like many, I’ve had my own challenges and growth in the area of relationships and sexuality. I've made mistakes. I’ve wrestled with questions of desire, identity, temptation, and God’s design. But through those struggles—and by God’s grace—I’ve come to understand how these experiences shape us and how they can be transformed for good.
I’ve spent years not only helping clients but also examining my own story through both a psychological and spiritual lens. I know what it’s like to seek forgiveness, to change patterns, and to rebuild your life with integrity. That’s part of why I’m so passionate about this work.
I’ve studied a wide range of sexual behaviors and preferences—from the clinical to the culturally taboo. Not to judge, but to understand what draws people to certain desires and how those desires are often rooted in early life experiences, emotional wounds, exposure to sexual content, or unmet needs.
More importantly, I know what real healing looks like. It’s not about harsh condemnation. But it’s also not about watering down truth. True sexual healing happens when we hold both grace and truth together—when we face our struggles honestly, through the lens of Scripture, and walk a path toward purity, peace, and purpose.
If you’re struggling with sexual patterns that have hurt your spouse—or yourself—please know there’s hope. Real, lasting, spiritual and psychological change is possible.
Let’s walk that path together.
There are many therapists who can help couples after infidelity—but my approach goes deeper than just encouraging better communication or rebuilding trust through surface-level changes. I focus on uncovering and healing the core issues that lead to cheating in the first place.
What sets me apart isn’t just my doctorate-level training in Clinical Psychology or my years of experience with couples—it’s that I work to understand why the betrayal happened at its emotional and psychological root. You can’t just tell someone to stop cheating or “be a better spouse.” That’s like putting a bandage over a deep wound without ever cleaning it. Unless we address the why, the wound stays open.
That means we’ll talk about the uncomfortable but essential truths—what felt good about the affair. What needs it was meeting. What role self-esteem, insecurity, or a deep fear of rejection played. I believe many affairs are rooted in unresolved emotional pain: a need to feel wanted, powerful, safe, admired, or simply enough. These aren’t excuses. They’re entry points into lasting transformation.
Low self-worth, fear of abandonment, and deep insecurity—these are often the real culprits. Men, especially, may struggle to put words to these emotions, but that doesn’t mean they’re not there. I’m skilled at helping people—especially those who have never been in therapy—name and face these deeper fears without shame.
But it’s not just about helping the cheater. By identifying these emotional patterns, I can also help them truly empathize with their partner's pain. After an affair, the betrayed spouse often wrestles with their own crushed sense of worth. Understanding insecurity on both sides of the relationship is a powerful key to healing.
There’s also a growing trend to frame every affair as part of “sex addiction.” I don’t take that approach. While some people genuinely struggle with compulsive behaviors, I believe most infidelity stems not from addiction, but from deeper emotional and relational issues that can be faced, healed, and resolved. I reject the fatalistic idea of “once a cheater, always a cheater.” That kind of thinking leaves no room for change—and no room for hope.
But I believe in hope. I believe that people can change, that marriages can be restored, and that true intimacy is possible—even after devastating betrayal.
That’s what makes my approach different—and why it works.
Supporting Women Who Have Been Betrayed
If you’re a woman who has been cheated on, you’re likely reeling from heartbreak, confusion, and anger—and possibly asking yourself whether you can ever trust your partner again. You’re not alone, and you don’t have to navigate this pain by yourself.
My first and highest priority in this work is to protect the person who has been betrayed. I will do everything I can to ensure that you’re not hurt again. If I believe your partner is not serious about change—or that he’s likely to cheat again—I will be honest with you. I won’t sugarcoat reality. But I also won’t automatically encourage you to leave the relationship either.
Sometimes, a couple can rebuild something stronger than what they had before—if both partners are willing to do the work. I’ve seen marriages that were fractured by infidelity become deeply intimate and connected through therapy. So while I want to protect your heart, I also want to caution against making permanent decisions too quickly. There may be more hope than you think.
It’s important to recognize that women cheat too, nearly as often as men. I work with both men and women who have strayed, and I understand the complex emotional and psychological dynamics behind both sides of the affair. But when I’m working with a woman who’s been betrayed, my focus is on helping her feel safe, empowered, and fully seen.
Many women are understandably hesitant to discuss sexual issues with a male therapist. That’s valid—and sometimes, a female therapist is the best choice. But I’ve found that when a woman has only experienced men who used her, dismissed her, or treated her as an object, a therapeutic relationship with a caring, respectful male therapist can be profoundly healing.
In our work, I will always treat you with dignity and professionalism. You are not here to be fixed—you are here to be understood, validated, and supported. Many of the women I work with say they feel truly heard for the first time in a long time. I’m committed to helping you rediscover your voice, your strength, and your worth.
Over the years, I’ve helped many women overcome not only betrayal but also abuse, objectification, and deep relational trauma. I work to help you understand the situation from a male perspective—not to excuse the behavior, but to help make sense of the patterns that led here, and to equip you with tools for protecting your heart and discerning real change in your partner.
While I am a male therapist, many women appreciate that I’m emotionally sensitive, relationally attuned, and highly communicative. At the same time, I also bring a logical and direct understanding of how many men think, which can offer valuable insight into your partner’s behavior and mindset.
Healing after infidelity is incredibly hard—but with the right help, it’s possible. Whether you choose to rebuild or walk away, I’m here to support you every step of the way.
When the Woman Is the One Who Cheated
Infidelity is not just a “man’s issue.” The truth is, women cheat too—and almost as often as men. Yet women who have strayed often carry a unique kind of shame, one that’s compounded by societal expectations and stereotypes. If you’re a woman who has cheated, you may be feeling overwhelmed by guilt, afraid you’ve ruined everything, and unsure if you’ll ever be forgiven—or if you even deserve to be.
Let me be clear: I am not here to judge you. I’m here to help you understand what happened, why it happened, and how you can move forward with integrity, wisdom, and healing—both for yourself and your relationship.
In my work, I take a very honest and direct approach. We’ll talk not just about the damage caused by the affair (which is significant), but also about what drew you to it in the first place. What did it give you emotionally? What need did it seem to meet in the moment? We’ll explore issues like low self-worth, emotional loneliness, resentment, insecurity, and fear of rejection—because these are often the deeper drivers behind the decision to step outside a relationship.
I believe that at the heart of many affairs—whether committed by men or women—are self-esteem wounds. Sometimes, the cheating is less about the partner and more about trying to feel seen, valued, or desired. Often, there are old emotional patterns from childhood, past relationships, or even unresolved trauma that play a role. This isn’t about making excuses. It’s about facing the truth, bravely and honestly, so that real transformation can happen.
I’ll also help you understand the impact of your actions on your partner—not through shame, but through empathy. Cheating can deeply damage your partner’s self-esteem and sense of security, even if the relationship had serious problems before the affair. Being able to see their pain without getting stuck in guilt is a crucial part of restoring trust, or at the very least, growing in emotional maturity.
Whether you’re hoping to save your relationship or simply make sense of what you’ve done, this work can lead to deep insight and lasting change. I’ve helped many women face the hard truths, take responsibility, heal their inner wounds, and become stronger, healthier partners in the future.
You’re not beyond repair. You’re not permanently labeled by your worst mistake. You are still deeply loved by God, and I’m here to help you walk in that grace—with courage, clarity, and hope.
Is This a Safe Place?
Yes—absolutely. I know how vulnerable it can feel to open up about intimate, painful, or deeply personal parts of your life, especially when it involves infidelity or sexual struggles. That’s why creating a safe, respectful, and confidential space is one of my highest priorities.
Everything you share with me in therapy—whether it’s about your relationship, your past, your sexual history, or your fears—will be treated with the utmost privacy. I will never disclose that you’re even a client of mine without your explicit permission, not even to your partner. Sexual issues carry a unique weight, and I understand how essential it is that your trust not be broken.
This is also a professionally boundaried space. I take great care to ensure that both men and women feel emotionally and physically safe during our sessions. Everything will be handled with professionalism, compassion, and deep respect. There is no judgment here—only a commitment to help you heal, grow, and find clarity in a setting where you are truly safe to be honest.
Healing can only happen when you feel secure enough to be real. My goal is to provide that kind of space—for you as an individual, and for your relationship as a whole.
Will This Really Help?
It’s a fair question—especially when you’re feeling broken, unsure, or afraid that nothing can truly undo the damage. While I can’t promise a perfect outcome, I can promise this: I will take the time to genuinely understand you—your story, your struggles, your pain, and your hopes.
With over 30 years of counseling experience, including 25 at the doctoral level, I’ve walked with countless individuals and couples through the messiness of infidelity, shame, and broken trust. I’ve helped people reconnect with themselves, rediscover their worth, and rebuild intimacy in ways they never imagined were possible.
My approach is practical, focused, and tailored to your specific needs. I won’t waste your time—I aim to get to the heart of the issue as quickly as possible, and I won’t keep you in therapy longer than necessary. But I also won’t rush the process. Some wounds need time, and we will go at a pace that honors both your healing and your readiness.
Therapy isn’t magic. It takes courage, honesty, and a willingness to face uncomfortable truths. The more open and humble you are about exploring your heart, your desires, and your patterns, the more likely you are to see real, lasting change.
If you’re ready to do the work, I’ll be right there with you—offering clarity, compassion, and a path forward that leads to growth, healing, and, yes, even hope.
Setting up online therapy is easy-peasy
Just fill out the contact information, call or text. I will personally get back with you right away and schedule you a time to meet. I will send you a quick email to get you set up and a video link and you will be good to go.
You could contact me, set something up very soon, and be feeling better about your life in just a day or two.
You can have peace